1. You announce that you are polyamorous – after all, this is now in. Secretly you wish to lie at home on the sofa in the arms of your crush.

2. You leave (in the best case) the subway U1 somewhere between Warschauer Straße and Nollendorfplatz to throw up.

The gay heart of Berlin: Nollendorfplatz

3. In the club you find yourself looking for your pocket mirror – locked in a toilet cabin with strangers. A miracle happens: when you leave the cabin, you are all friends.

4. You bitch over gay sauna-goers while queueing in line to the Lab.Oratory.

The Lab.Oratory is the gay sexclub next to Berghain

5. Once you get in the Lab, all you think about is where Lady Gaga might have been sitting while she thought of the lyrics to her song “Scheiße”.

6. The next morning, you find out that your one-night stand is the ex-boyfriend of your host – who has been crying over him for three months straight.

7. You wink at the hookers on Kurfürstenstraße – maybe you even dare to wave a little.

8. You try to make a balloon dick out of all the free condoms you got at Motzstraßenfest.

Motzstraßenfest in Schöneberg takes place every year – on the weekend before Berlin Pride

9. After a gay double date brunch on Sunday, you go to the Mauerpark-fleamarket – where you bitch about how crowded it is.

10. Then you buy yourself sequined leggings and a tank top with David Bowies face on it – perfect for Sunday evening which you wanted to spend at Berghain – after all, that’s what real Berliners do. In the end, however, you just sit by the Spree and drink beer from one of the kiosks called „Späti“.

One of Berlins most famous sculptures: “Molecule Man” on the Spree River

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