I’m sorry this is taking a minute, but I haven’t been able to articulate my thoughts about Sarah’s death. To be honest, my thoughts are constantly interrupted by stabs of resurfacing trauma. I suspect this is the same reason I haven’t been able to write a song in years, but that’s irrelevant. I realize a lot of people are waiting for me to say something, but what can I say now that I haven’t been saying for years? Why should my opinion matter anyway?Many are quick to point out mental illness, and her depression, but pathologizing mental illness does nothing to explain why some of us are afflicted and others are not. Mental illness does not exist in a void. It is a product of structural violence. The power of heteropatriarchal capitalism is the way it inhabits the body. We are born into trauma, and we carry it with us wherever we go. “Minorities” show higher death rates in every kind of “natural” death. We have higher rates of diabetes, heart disease, respiratory failure, cancer, anything. You name it. That is what trauma does to the body. That is what hate does to the body. The thought that someone can leave a society that keeps trying to kill them, and still carry that society inside them, still be moved to taking their own lives, chills me to the bone, as I reflect on my own exile, and the exile of the people I love. We spend the first part of our lives demanding air in our homelands, and then we leave to countries where we are promised air, only to find out we were robbed of lungs. Continuing to not address the structural inequality that produces this much suffering is a crime. We might not actively be contributing to it, but we actively benefit from it. That too is murder. I have nothing to say that we don’t all already know. My opinion as always doesn’t matter. What is this ridiculous thirst for commentary from “celebrities?” Why do you need me to say anything for you to get angry? Why do you need performative politics to validate your subjectivity? Am I allowed to grieve for a minute before I’m skewered for not responding “fast enough.” I was once deluded enough in my optimism that I honestly believed music could change the world. I honestly believed that if people saw that I, a faggot, loved, and cried, and suffered, and laughed, and danced, and fought for Palestine, and fought masculinity, and fought racism, and fought capitalism, and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought I honestly thought they’d understand that I was human. That we were human. I got away with it for long enough that I started to believe my own optimism, and so did others, and they suffered for it. Her blood is on my hands as much as it is on yours. It should have been me in that prison cell. I apologize if I gave anyone hope that they’ll one day see us as human. The truth is, they’ve always known we’re human. That’s why they pretend to be doing god’s bidding when they kill us.I don’t know what to make of the amount of hate I’ve seen over the last two days. We are a society that thinks it can speak for god. We are a society that thinks it can correct gods creations. We are a society that murders the innocent and spits on their graves before they’re even buried. None of this is gods will. None of this is religion. This is a society of murderers using god to justify their bigotry. What is this god you believe in who creates anything or anyone less than perfect? What is this god who condones this kind of hatred? What is this god you believe in who needs you, a repugnant loathsome maggot, to correct god’s work? To my young lgbtq+ following, you are god’s creation, as much as anyone else is. You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are loved. You deserve better. To everyone else, I leave you with Sarah’s last words:السما احلى من الأرض، وأنا عاوزه السما مش الأرض The sky is sweeter than the earth, and I need the sky not the earth.

Gepostet von Hamed Zane Sinno am Montag, 15. Juni 2020