One of the most inspiring stories of the year: Kenneth Felts from the US finally dares to confess at the proud age of 90: I am gay. He doesn’t want to waste any more time, buys himself a rainbow sweater and rainbow flag and even takes part in a queer fund-raising run with a walker. People all over the world share his story and help him track down the love of his life – after more than 50 years. But sadly, there is no happy ending for the two of them.

Kenneth Felts from Arvada in the US state of Colorado has had an eventful life. Last month he inspired many people around the world when his life story went viral. At 90, he came out as gay – proving that it is never too late to be honest with yourself and learn to accept yourself as you are.

Felts spoke to the Denver Post about his coming out. He never planned to come out, the 90-year-old said. Instead, he wanted to take his secret to the grave. But the lockdown in the Corona pandemic had given him a lot of time to think. Felts was also writing his autobiography during this time. Many almost repressed memories came up – of his great love, Phillip.

“In all the relationships I’ve had since Phillip, nothing has ever measured up to him, and I don’t anticipate that anything ever will.”

When the 90-year-old talked to his daughter Rebecca Mayes, it finally slipped out: he told her he regretted leaving Phillip. It was the first time he spoke to her about his other life, the life he led before she was born. Rebecca is his only daughter, from a marriage that ended in divorce. When he told her about Phillip and came out, she comforted and supported him – just as he had done twenty years earlier when Rebecca confessed to him being a lesbian.

After talking to his daughter, Felts gathered all his courage: He came out to friends and family through email and Facebook postings. He confessed to the Denver Post that he was very afraid of the reactions. But he was surprised: No sooner had he pressed “send” than it rained positive responses, encouraging comments on Facebook and many, many congratulations.

“I’ve been in the closet all my life – deep in the closet, behind rows and rows of clothes. I was way back there. When I opened the door in the front, I was terrified of what people would say. I was very worried because I needed those people, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing them just because I had decided to finally be who I really was.”

Strengthened by the love and support of his family, Felts made up for a lot in the weeks that followed: He bought a colorful rainbow sweater, his favorite wear today, and a rainbow flag that now hangs on the wall behind him – so it can be seen whenever he attends virtual meetings of his local LGBTIQ* group. In addition, he collected almost 1000€ in donations for the queer community during a solo fundraising run. His daughter Rebecca Mayes is proud of him:

“He’s just so brave and he doesn’t even realise it’s him, but it’s extraordinary”

Her wife Tracie Mayes also admires her father-in-law:

“He seems to be making up for lost time and really is owning it, which is fantastic”

Two years too late for a happy ending

But what about Felt’s great love, Phillip? The man who the 90-year-old newly outed man still has to think of wistfully even after 50 years? As Felts told us, he had tried to find him earlier – but without success. When the story finally went viral, a woman contacted him and offered to help him find Philip.

We travel 63 years into the past: In 1957, the two men met. That’s when Felts started working for the credit company where Phillip was employed. It was the beginning of a great love affair. He tells Newsweek magazine that Phillip trained him and the two of them immediately felt drawn to each other. Although Felts didn’t dare to publicly admit his homosexuality, the two held on to their love – and eventually even moved in together.

Kenneth Felts in 1951

The 1950s were a different time. Felts eventually failed to sort the situation – torn between his love for Phillipp, loyalty to his religion and living in a society that told him: “What you do and feel is a sin, a disease. When they were in church together one day and Felts watched a choir performance in which his friend was participating, he had an enlightenment, he says:

“As I sat there, it just struck me – I was in this holy place that condemns homosexuality and I did something with Phillip that was really wonderful but ‘wrong’. Society and my religion said I should be heterosexual. I had this conflict between the church and my love for Phillip.”

Felts quit his job and left Phillip. He now calls the separation the biggest mistake of his life. Though his boyfriend wrote him many more times, the now 90-year-old man never responded. Finally, months after the breakup, Phillip’s last message was, “If you don’t answer, I won’t bother you again. Felts never replied – and never heard from him again.

Kenneth Felts now knows: Phillip died two years ago. The woman who responded to his mail found out about it. So the brave newly outed man will not be able to say goodbye to his great love. This is very difficult news for Felts. It was “terribly frustrating” and “really painful”, said the 90-year-old. But family and friends support him – just like people all over the world who share the 90 year old’s love and life story in social media. Felts lets the whole world share his feelings:

“I feel I shared with him the best years of his youth and he certainly made mine memorable and I will always remember and appreciate that. I loved him in my heart so much over the years and now he is gone.”

In the obituary, Felts says that he learned from Phillip’s niece that his great love had lived a full and happy life. His longtime partner had died several years before him.

“To me, he died less than two weeks ago. I published an obituary of him online and people supported me with overwhelming sympathy and said how sorry they were that I had not seen him. But it still hurts.”

Is he giving love another chance? Yeah, says Felts. However, he is more interested in the quiet aspects of a relationship, such as closeness, tenderness and holding hands. He writes in a letter..:

“I’d like to have a boyfriend; companionship and somebody there when the days get longer,”

Who knows? Maybe the Facebook community can help him again. We wish it to him with all our heart.

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