by Leander Milbrecht
Welcome to Berlin, Baby! Here are 10 things you must do to feel like a real gay Berliner.
1. You announce that you are polyamorous – after all, this is the in-thing now. But when you’re lying onyour sofa you secretly fantasise about hugging the one you have a crush on.
2. You hopefolly get off a U1 underground train somewhere between Warschauer Strasse and Nollendorfplatz to throw up.
3. Whilst at a club you find yourself looking for your pocket mirror – locked in a cubicle with strangers. A miracle happens: when you leave it, you are all friends.
4. You bitch over gay sauna-goers while queueing for the Lab.Oratory.
5. Once you get into the Lab, all you can think about is where Lady Gaga might have been sitting while she thought of the lyrics to her song “Scheisse”.
6. When you wake up the next morning, you find that your one-night stand is the ex-boyfriend of your host – who has been crying over him for three months straight.
7. You wink at the hookers on Kurfürstenstrasse – maybe you even dare to wave a little.
8. You try to make a balloon dick from all the free condoms you got at Motzstrassenfest.
9. After a gay double date brunch on Sunday, you go to the Mauerpark fleamarket where you bitch about how crowded it is.
10. Then you buy yourself a pair of sequined leggings and a tank top with David Bowie’s image on it. Perfect for Sunday night at Berghain. That’s what real Berliners do, after all. What really happens is that you find yourself sitting by the Spree and sip on a beer you just got from a kiosk called „Späti“.